Saturday, July 9, 2011

smoke and candy

I have a confession to make...

I can not look at that picture for to long..
Because it is a huge struggle for me not to want to light  it up!

I've been keeping a secret.
A bad secret and I am extremely disappointed in myself.

After 5 long healthy years of quitting smoking
I started again.

It started a few weeks ago while we were in Florida.
While sitting at the tiki bar with Paul aka Papa, sipping my chocolate banana daiquiri
(which by the way, is delicious)
I would take puffs of his cigarette until eventually i was smoking my own.

I've had about 4 or 5 ( SECRET) cigarettes a day since then.

The other day I came home from work and sat in the garage and smoked a ciggy with Paul.
I said out loud "I can't believe that I am smoking again!"
and he said,  "I know and I am sorry"
He thinks that it is his fought and he feels guilty for giving me one WHEN I ASKED FOR IT.

I feel bad that he feels responsible.
I'm a big girl and made my own  bad choices.
I'm the dumb ass who wanted one!!

So.. Today Is my first attempt in what will be another long journey to give up the habit

Pardon my grumpiness!

On  the Martha Stewart show this week
she had Ralph Laurens beautiful daughter Dylan Lauren on to teach us how to create
 pretty table centerpieces/ gifts made from candy.
She made a gorgeous urn of  Hydrangea's made from m&m's and gummies, etc.

I thought that she was pretty cool!!
Everyone in the audience received a copy of her book.

I was super excited about this book and couldn't wait to explore it's contents myself.
I got it yesterday.
It's good book,  very visual appealing but am I sad to say that it wasn't what I thought that it would be.

I was hoping to see more things like this...

and more creative ideas..

but instead i found more facts and history about Dylan and candy.

I would say that it is a fun book to look at
... but I recommend  saving yourself the $30.00 it cost 
 and borrow it from the library for free.

Have a great Saturday friends.

It is time for this gal to get busy!



Happier Than a Pig in Mud said...

Hey girl-head up, shoulders back and stay strong! Sorry the book was a bummer, sometimes I get more inspiration from surfing the web, I'm already paying for that anyway... Hope you have a great weekend:@)

All That Glitters said...

Yelp! I haven't smoked in over 3 years. I still want to everyday. Thank God the price of cigarettes have gone up so much my cheap ass want buy any.

You can do it I promise. Take the pic down so you want see it.

Now, I need to find a drink like that!

Megan said...

Stay strong sister! I hate it when a book disappoints me...CDs do that from time to time too! You like one song on the radio, buy the CD and realize that there isn't another song on it that you like!

Deb said...

I'm so sorry you started smoking again. It is so hard to quit. Best of luck!

Julie Harward said...

Don't feel ashamed, that is what Satan wants, to make you feel defeated. He loves it when people get addicted in any or all of his ways, tied to him and his things. You just keep at it..those grand children you will have one day will be worth it I promise, and so are you! :D

Chaya said...

You did it once which means that you know you can do it again. When, I want to accomplish something, I keep telling myself, I can do it. It helps. Good luck to you. said...

I think you are definately doing the right thing with quitting again. I know you can do it! I used to be a smoker. Whenever I would drink, the more I would smoke. So glad I stopped though. Yeah, I had picked up that book before too. She should have put more fun things inside.

Julie said...

Oh no that is not a good thing you really need to stop and so does your hubby! My Mom and Dad smoked most of my growing up years tell there really close friend died from lung cancer. After they went to see her in the hospital with a tube coming out of her neck they came home and never smoked again. Please stop for your kids I was so happy when they stopped.
Sorry I don't mean to tell you what to do!!!!

I saw that Martha and thought that book looked pretty cool!

Heather said...

Perhaps there is a way that you and your husband can quit together. Don't be too hard on yourself! I know that you can do it!

Bummer about the book too! I just hate that. It's so disappointing. Perhaps one of these days it will be more useful than you think. The photography sure looked neat!

Carmie of the Single Nester said...

You are so honest and I am rooting for you. You can do this!

Donna said...

I HATE it when I work really hard at something, do great, and then go right back to it....the worst feeling, but life is all about making mistakes picking yourself up and starting over's to it my friend....start over again. You did it before, do it again.
This is the story of my life

It's Just Dottie said...

I know you are a hold your head up high,I'll get through it kind of girl.
I am rooting for you!!!

Melanie said...

Oh no!
STAY STRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brandi said...

you can do it! wishing you the best of luck.

Elaine @ Sunny Simple Life said...

I am so glad that you found my blog so I could find yours. I hear you about addictions you should quit. Mine would be sweets. I fall off the wagon everyday though. Not good!! Must add you to my list so I can keep up with you in the future.

Snappy Di said...

I quit smoking in 1994 after twenty years of smelling like an ashtray. I will NEVER pick up one of those things again. NEVER. This computer is now my addiction and the nice thing is that it doesn't make my house, hair, skin and clothing stink. Hope you put the habit down again. :-)

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

You can do it again...I just know it! Don't beat yourself up!

Pumpkin said...

Oh Leslie :o( You can give it up again! You did it once, you can do it twice. I have faith in you :o)

What a neat project!

Angie@Echoes of Laughter said...

You are strong and you CAN do hard things Leslie! Don't you hate it when you buy a book that is a bummer? Can you take it back? I would try!! Angie xo