My thoughts are bleeding this morning
It is a beautiful summer morning
The locusts are humming and squirrel highway ( the large mulberry tree in the back yard) is busy.
I don't know whether it was a dream
or the stress of things going on
but I am feeling a little funky this morning
Having lost my family at such young ages
My dad was just 45 and my mom 52 when they left this world.
Sometimes I wonder if it was God's plan that I am alone
I have a wonderful family
My girls and Paul are amazing
and I would give everything that I have to give to keep them happy and safe
I just miss my mom.
I have struggled with my faith for so long.
I believe in God and I love God
but I harvest anger
and often wonder why a loving God would leave me without family.
There are times when I have questions about my life and family
and there is not a single person to ask.
Before she passed away my grandma blessed me with lots of stories and history
that as hard as I hold tight to..
I am slowly losing grasp of.
I think about my dad
As I come closer to 40
I would have loved to have known him as a "grown up"
He would have loved my girls so much.
And my mom
We bumped heads A lot.
She was strong, stubborn, funny and loving all at the same time.
She had a hard life
but she was a good mom.
She would love to be in the company of my family now..
my girls have a lot of her personalityy
They would make her smile.
My mom loved Paul
she introduced us when I was just 17.
She wrote me a letter that she gave me on the night before he and I got married.
She talks about her love for me and him and how that she knew that if anything ever happened to her that she knew that I would be safe, loved and happy.
I cherish this letter.
.. and I am safe, loved and happy
Today I will call on a little help from God.
Maybe take a boat ride with Paul
Breath in the fresh salty air
I will reflect and give thanks to the time that I did have with my family
and I will cherish this special time with my own little family
Peace to you all.