Saturday, May 22, 2010

learning my Inner Beauty

To know me
Is to understand where I come from
My soul is quite delicate
and I am a loner by law. 

I am a constant struggle with me
my abilities
my strengths and weaknesses. 

I love with my whole heart
and after having my heart broken so many times
 I accept heart break
I expect heart break
( which is why I prefer to be a loner)

I am a collector of memories.
I would give my life for my family in a heartbeat.
I am happy
and everyday I am still learning the practice of patience.

I lost my parents and grandparents
before I turned 35.

It's just the four of us now
and I am greatful
so greatful
for our little family.

 I loved both of my parents
but my mother will always mean the world to me.
She gave me life
and she held my hand as I lived it.

When I say it
  I feel a sense a pride.
Sally Jean
most definitely.
 my youngest got her first name from grandmom
 I got my middle name from grandmom
I got a lot of things from grandmom
passion for decorating, color, funky clothes, books, old movies, coffee, cooking...

I've spoken of her many times
Grandmom was my guide.
Although I sometimes stumble ..
She gave me the road map to integrity.

She was beautiful
Not perfect.
Never perfect.  
Even polished ..   
she was rough around the edges.
She never gossiped
She spoke the truth

Grandmom taught me so much.
She was the greatest woman I have ever known.
She taught me about real beauty
Something that I am still struggling with.

I spend so much focus on the outside beauty
weight, hair, wrinkles.. 
When all that really matters is what is inside.

Inner beauty
The ability to give myself whole heartily
To forgive to those that have hurt me
To honor my promises
To have a greater  faith  in God

More important then those extra pounds on my hips and lines on my face
I have inner flaws
Things that I will forever need work on.  
( me and grandmom 1989)

 Today makes 8 years since my grandmom passed away.
 I remember that day like yesterday

  Her last words to me are branded into my soul...
 She told me how proud she was of the mother that I was..
.. and of the woman that I had become.

Her words are a beacon of light
I live with them everyday.

I learned it from you grandmom.
I learned it all from you.


Catherine said...

i have loved to read about you and you grandma. It' s alovely tribute to her.I love both your smiles on the picture.You can be proud of her! ( love your music!) hugs catherine

~*~ saskia ~*~ said...

What precious post!
Your previous post is awesome, love love your work, such great idea, going to have to remember this.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Flower Patch Farmgirl said...

This is so beautiful! She sounds like quite a lady. And her words to you are such a gift!

Katharine said...

What a beautiful glimpse into you... I hope you have a day filled with lovely memories...

Jemm said...

This is definitely a different side of you than I've seen before. I like it though. I think we've got a lot in common. I grew up with one set of grandparents that were somewhat distant. I had a second grandpa, that was a little astranged. Only saw him once or twice a year and it was well known that neither parent liked him. His wife, my grandmother, died when my dad was 18, of bladder cancer, so I never knew her. Now, my one remaining grandparent, a grandmother on my mom's side, is becoming more and more special as the years go by. I'm finding I am more like her than my own mother. I can totally relate to your post. Makes me want to go to my grandma's house tomorrow......

Country Dreaming said...

I think we all struggle with these issues and how to deal with them.
Lucky for most of us we have had people in our lives to help us along the way.
I too have lost my parents and grandparents but I have Ken and his nutty family (which is mine now)to rely on.
You have good memories to reflect on when you are down.

Enjoy your Sunday.


Annelie said...

Beautiful, very beautiful.
I have tears in my eyes, Leslie.
It's so true. We learn so much from our parents and grand parents.
And it's so easy to focus on the outside even though we know that it is not right. I struggle every day with what I feel and what I know is right, or really matters.
My grandmother in Sweden is 92 years old and I'm so happy that my children got to meet her. What I have appreciated most from her is her wisdom and her sense of humor.


Acorn Cottage said...

That is a lvoely post filled with happy memories! Something to always cherish. I just had one of those moments with my Mom on our recent trip and I was tearing up and so was she....I just knew the words she sopke would be etched on my heart forever. I feel so fortunate that she is still here. 87 years old and I'm thankful for every moment. I hope you have a few special people that you've adopted as a granmother in your life. There are some special people here on earth that sometimes help fill the void we have in our lives of loved one going on beofre us. Love your picture with your G'ma...just precious!


Unknown Mami said...

Beautiful and touching post. It is a tribute to a wonderful woman and a testament to the fact that you have become a wonderful woman yourself.

sewingseeds4U said...

There are tears in my eyes as I read through your beautiful post. I never new my grandmothers but both my girls have such special relationships with there mother in law has since passed away but not before leaving her mark as a woman of God on both of them. My mom is still with us and continues to be a major influence in their lives. Thank you for sharing.